The Merc Has a Mouth Again

For those of you who don't read comics, it's easy to get overwhelmed. The cast of characters of DC & Marvel number in the tens of thousands by this point. What we are seeing on TV and film is only a fraction of what is out there in the world of comics.  I guess it took the proper (computer graphics) technology and a lot of talent to tap the money-making potential of the medium.

So when they announced that a Deadpool movie was in the works after the test footage leaked last year, I was shocked for several reasons. A) Deadpool's anti-heroic, fourth-wall breaking persona was very different from all the other Marvel movies released so far (even Guardians of the Galaxy). B) Despite years of rumors, many thought the project was not getting off the ground any time soon, and C) The studio was actually listening to the fans and promising a faithful adaptation of the character. I was skeptical until I saw the first trailer, because, uhhhhhhhhh... the first attempt was not good. No, wait, that's not true. It was an insult to fans everywhere.

Deadpool made his debut in X-men Origins: Wolverine . Well, ok, technically speaking. Wade Wilson was in it, the guy who turns into Deadpool. But then they turned him into a bigger abomination then the actual Abomination.

Strong words, I know, but look at the clip below. What do you notice most? He's got no mouth, right? Do you want to know what Deadpool is most famous for? His sense of humor. Yeah. Kind of hard to make jokes without a mouth. It's unbelievable, ain't it? Even if you have no personal connection to the character or comics in general,  everybody should understand our hatred now.

But, but, my friends, a miracle has happened. My hatred has now turned to love. The events which occurred in Days of Future Past wiped Origins from the timeline. Now, finally, the true Deadpool is here. This is the best Deadpool movie that could've possibly happened. I had a smile on my face as soon as the movie started, and I'm smiling now just thinking about it.

Before we get to the review of the movie, here's a quick summation of why The Merc With The Mouth is so goddamn popular. He's basically a combination of three really popular characters.

 He's got Wolverine's healing factor and chip on his shoulder, Spider-man's wiseassery (or snarkiness, whichever made up word you prefer) and the Joker's fourth-wall breaking schtick and dark sense of humor. What it all adds up to is an incredibly charismatic asshole wrapped up in spandex. Now, whether he appeals to you,  dear reader, is obviously your call. Will you like the movie? Well, let's find out.

The first thing you will notice about the movie is the humor. Seriously, it's literally the first thing you notice. The opening credits start with a hilarious gag at the cast & crew's expense. Not many directors called "Overpriced Tool" out there. There are jokes everywhere in this thing. They  range from the juvenile and crass (fart jokes, masturbation jokes etc.) to the surprisingly clever. For example, right in the middle of a sex montage between Wade Wilson and his girlfriend, you suddenly cut to them reading books quietly together, 'cause they gave up sex for Lent. Ryan Reynolds has always been a funny guy, but he makes the most random jumble of words into hilarious one-liners, capturing Deadpool's completely nonsensical and whiplash inducing mood swings.

There are so many jokes that at least one section of the audience was laughing every 10 seconds in my theatre, but this kind of rapid style humor may be exhausting or irritating to some. But for me personally, this is one of the funniest superhero movies ever made.

The characters are  memorable and interesting (for the most part). You have Weasel, Deadpool's best friend and snarky lovable coward. Blind Al, a cranky, foul-mouthed old blind woman who seems forced to put up with Deadpool's antics because he pays rent. And of course, the only two X-men the movie could afford: Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead (best name ever!). Colossus gets more characterization here than in any of the X-men movies. He's the perfect foil for Deadpool; a classic, morally upright hero, who believes that everybody can be good. His faith in Deadpool's broken moral compass becomes endearing over time, if maybe a little unrealistic  His partner is possibly the most underdeveloped character of the cast; you'll remember her powers much more easily than her personality. She does have a few great highlights in the finale though.

The villains are utterly forgettable. Ajax is your run-of-the-mill British psycho who's in it for fun and profit, Angel Dust is just hired muscle. really badass muscle, but still no personality in sight.

Last but not least, there's Vanessa, Deadpool's love interest. The movie relies on three major things to hold your interest throughout. The action, the jokes, and the heart. The most surprising thing about this movie, is that the love scenes are not just tacked on; Vanessa does not exist solely to give our hero someone to save. The two leads have great chemistry. What makes their relationship work is not just the performances; Morena Baccarin matches Reynolds shot for shot in every scene they share, and she gives Wade not just motivation, but supports him even at his lowest. They feel like people who were lucky to find one another. The best part, about their relationship, is that all the misunderstandings and problems get resolved by the end. No "will they or won't they" or "secret identity" BS  like in Spider-man and Batman. They start the film in love, they are still in love by the end. It's a very refreshing change of pace for the genre.

The action is very good, but not mind blowing. You can blame the budget for that. Several scenes and characters had to be cut out at the last minute, and it shows. The movie tries it's best by using slow-mo, montages, and (of course) Deadpool's non-stop commentary, but you just want more every time the fighting stops. The finale is definitely top-notch though. Everyone gets a chance to cut loose and wreck shit up in glorious fashion.

Also, Deadpool's healing factor means that the action can get as cartoonishly over-the-top as much as the writers want, which keeps it from feeling repetitive. The best example of this is the brilliant homage to Monty Python when 'Pool and Colossus tangle for the first time, and it must be seen to be believed.

Oh, and the soundtrack is all over the place. Which is probably appropriate; this likely the only time you'll hear '50's and '60's pop songs mixed with Wham! and DMX. It' up to you whether it works (along with everything else in this movie).

Now for the bad stuff. There is no getting around the fact that the plot is very simple. A bad guy messed up Wade's life and kidnapped his girl, and he has to pay. Even though the movie is clearly aware of the cliches, you can't ignore it. The only thing keeping the movie from being truly great is that is doesn't play round with the superhero origin story as much as it can. That's the problem with first movies. You have to explain everything for the audience, you have to have the origin story. There's even a couple of scenes where he changes costumes as he starts his revenge rampage. Even non-fans will have seen all this half a dozen times by now. That's probably why it's RT score is sitting around 80% right now. It has some great aspects to it, but the story will never win any awards.

It's both fortunate and unfortunate that the movie has been released in 2016, and not, say, 2005. To people not familiar with the character, Deadpool might seem like a rip-off of other movies, especially Kick Ass, 21 Jump Street and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Which sounds good, but it may negatively affect their opinion. So that's something to keep in mind.

Deadpool is finally here. It you were to ask me 10 years what was the most unlikely comic book character to be put on film was, Deadpool would be up there. But since 2005 we've seen everything from a talking racoon to a whole superhero team with gods and gamma monsters involved, the sky's the limit for comic book movies. Within weeks after Deadpool's release, the ripples are already starting to spread. A sequel has already being green lit, and looks like we're finally gonna get an R-rated Wolverine movie.

Fans needed this after the disaster that was Fantastic 4. They needed to be reminded that their voices can be heard, and have an impact on Hollywood execs. Deadpool is just what we wanted. And because of it's success, hopefully the studios will continue to listen to us. Just a few years ago, how many people thought Avengers could work on the big screen? Or Thor?

What Deadpool proved beyond doubt, along with Daredevil, is that even the greyest of heroes can get audiences  hooked. There's nothing wrong with a little "new school" fighting for your time and money against Batman and Superman. The playing field is only gonna get bigger from here. Dr. Strange is just around the corner. Yet another unlikely candidate, which might open doors for more mystical comic book characters. It's a great time to be a comic book fan.

Deadpool may not be the best, but he definitely exists in a league of his own. It's up to you whether you want to be in it or not. I can't wait to see what this lovable psycho does next.

Introducing The Gentleman Thief & His Friends

Being an anime fan is really great nowadays.

Not only can you watch your favorite shows every week less than 24 hours after the original Japanese broadcast thanks to fansubbing groups and video streaming sites, North American distributors (most notably  FUNimation ) have started to release English-dubbed episodes while the show is still airing in Japan as well.

The Digital Age has made anime far more accessible and popular than ever before.

Of course, it wasn't always like this. I was just one of many kids who grew up watching Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon in the '90's. And by the 2000s, every video store I went to had a small section dedicated to selling anime DVDs. Anime was, and still is, a niche market, but it had become a noticeable niche market by then. I'm sure there are quite a few fans out there who remember the heyday of Gatchaman and Robotech, but I think it's safe to say that most fans around my age are only familiar with shows that are 25 years old or less.

Which is a real shame, because there are many older gems that even the most casual anime fan can enjoy. Now we come to star of the hour. Or perhaps  I should say, the thief of the hour.

To get an idea of what exactly  Lupin the Third is, think of James Bond. Or Doctor Who. Or, if you prefer another obvious choice, Batman.

Lupin III has appeared in multiple TV shows, movies and comics in almost half a century, since he first debuted in hi own comic book series in 1967 written by the legendary Monkey Punch (aka Katou Kazuhito). Like those other characters previously mentioned, Lupin seems to be one of those "immortal" franchises, a character who has become a cultural icon. in Japan and shows no signs of being forgotten anytime soon. Anime may not be watched by most of the Japanese population, but I think it is safe to say that most people over there would recognize this theme music:

Like most things produced in Japan, Lupin has gone international. Not only does the latest Lupin III TV series take place in Italy, it was first broadcast on Italian TV last year before airing in Japan. I'm sure the Italian fanbase was thrilled. I know I'm jealous of my paissani. Glad to know there are plenty of otaku is the motherland

Today we'll be talking about the movie that introduced the master thief to Western audiences. Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro A movie not only beloved by nearly every Lupin fan, it also has the distinction of being the directorial debut of the legendary (starting to sense a theme here?) Hiyao Miyazaki. It is truly fitting that one Japanese icon helped to create another.

The movie opens up with a quintessential Lupin caper wrap-up. Lupin & his partner in crime Jigen are high-tailing it out of a casino, bags filled to bursting with the place's assets. Not only do they get away right under the security's noses, but they have sabotaged every single car in the parking lot just in case something went wrong.

 Lupin and Jigen's victory celebration is short-lived, because all the money they've stolen is fake. Every single bill is a work of master forgery, known in the underworld as "goat bills", which have had an impact on many of the world's greatest tragedies over the last 500 years. Lupin is not down for long, for he has a sudden urge to visit the very small (fictional) European country of Cagliostro, where the forgeries are rumored to originate from. As the heroes make their journey across a gorgeous country side, the equally beautiful song Treasure Fire plays over the opening credits.

From this opening scene, it tells you almost everything you need to know about these characters and the story. If we didn't have such equally great examples like Robin Hood and Han Solo, Lupin is perhaps the definitive Lovable Rogue, a completely shameless master criminal who nonetheless has a endearing charm and who also has a moral code, even if it may not exactly be ours. Jigen is Lupin's constant companion, a master marksman and gun expert who follows Lupin's schemes, no matter how extravagant or implausible.

Although Jigen is equally as laid back and badass as his friend, he has a wonderful sense of humor, a guy who has "seen it all" and loves to make light of that fact. Although much more level-headed, he's never overshadowed by Lupin's larger than life persona; this makes him a great character in his own right. There's a hilarious and heartwarming scene early in the film that just shows how great their chemistry is together and how close they are as friends.

There is no point going into detail about the plot, 'cause if you're over the age of 10, chances are you've seen it at least two dozen times by now: An ancient conspiracy, hidden treasure, a tough as nails cop, a despicable greedy villain who is rich and wants to be richer, chases, daring escapes, corrupt politicians, a damsel to rescue, an army of henchmen to defeat, a final epic battle and a sweet romantic subplot. There is absolutely no originality where the story is concerned.

Like Indiana Jones, what makes Castle of Cagliostro stand out from other films lies in its execution. The action is creative, fluid and edge of your seat exciting. The characters are all easily recognizable archetypes and yet are memorable and lovable because the acting and dialogue is just top notch. The artwork and music is absolutely wonderful and makes everything else that much better by being so damn great on the eyes and ears. With a 99-minute run time, there is nothing wasted or excessive in this thing. The movie's story slows down and speeds up at exactly the right moments.

The car chase scene sums everything right with the movie; it's a work of art in of itself. Sorry for the cliche, but it's a great ride. Take a look for yourselves, it deserves to be appreciated.

There is so much done right in Cogliostro that even if you were to conclude that this movie is overrated after seeing it, I believe is it is impossible to not enjoy this on at least some level.

On the flipside, when it comes to the writing, the new characters leave no impact. The bad guy is suitably oily and smug throughout the whole film, but he has no complexity to him. If it wasn't for the  fact that the"girl of the week" has ties to Lupin's past, not to mention her very tragic backstory, you wouldn't really remember her. Not helping matters is the fact that she shares quite a bit of screen time with much more interesting and awesome characters. She never feels anything less than a plot device. .

It's the other regulars of the Lupin cast and how they play off each other that keeps you engaged throughout the movie. There's Fujiko Mine, Lupin's greatest rival in crime and off-again, on-again love interest/ally. She has the distinction of being both an object of lust, with a body straight out of every male fantasy, and also (perhaps paradoxically) a symbol for female empowerment. She's not afraid to get into a fight or play mind games to get what she wants, it's just that using her looks tends to work more often than not.

There's also Lupin's nemesis, Interpol inspector Kouichi  Zenigata. The interesting thing about his character is that he's very different from Lupin, but not in ways you might think. It would be easy to make him a sympathetic bumbling idiot like Inspector Clouseau in The Pink Panther, but he makes Lupin look that much better by being a very competent honest cop and almost religiously dedicated to his job. You get the impression that no one else could possibly hunt Lupin down, and no other criminal could get the drop on him like our thief can. Lupin and Zenigata's relationship is a complex one. There is  lot of mutual respect and tension between these two at all times, since for obvious reasons they are on opposite sides (for the most part).

Lastly, there's Goemon, a mercenary often hired by Lupin to act as a back up in many his adventures. The only info you get about him is that he's extremely skilled with his katana, and very proud of his samurai heritage. He's there more for fan service than anything else. He fights, and that's pretty much it. A shame that the screen time doesn't give everyone their due.

When makes this movie work, especially if you're not familiar with the franchise, is that by the time it's over, you get Lupin. The movie shows u that he wasn't always awesome, he's made mistakes just like everything else, and his lifestyle, though he unquestionably loves it, has it's drawbacks. It sort of gives a realistic depiction of what being Lupin is like, but at the same time the story refuses to take itself too seriously.

You see his life and his world, the adventure, the zaniness, the danger, the women, the intrigue, and you become captivated by it. Lupin and their friends get just enough time in the spotlight, and then they're offstage. It's much better than having to track down old Lupin episodes. The English dub is also very good, so you won't to worry about subtitles if that bothers you.

The ending has a twist that I won't spoil, but it's pretty surprising in a way; Lupin  succeeds and yet at the same time he doesn't. It's almost philosophical more than bittersweet, but it's up to you whether you find the ending satisfying or not.

By the end of the movie, you will feel that you understand the man and the legend known as Arsene Lupin III. And you will want more of him once it's done and the credits start rolling. There's no higher recommendation than that.

If you want to see reviews of other great (but mostly horrible) anime films and shows, check out internet critic Bennett the Sage's website here

The popular anime Youtuber Glass Reflection is also very good if you're new to anime, though he tends to review newer stuff.

Can We Ever Be That Looney Again?

Reboots, reboots everywhere!

Ok, maybe starting off with an internet meme is not the cleverest way to do it, but I can think of no other way to describe the absolute deluge of reboots coming at us from all directions. There have been so many reboots in the film industry alone that it's hard to keep track of everything. Hollywood has been rebooting everything from classic films like Ben Hur to sci-fi cult hits such as Total Recall and Robocop. I could write an entire post about the horror franchises that are being rebooted, but I won't. That's someone else's schtick

But for those of you who may not be in the know, there are a lot of other reboots happening in other mediums. For example, in the world of animation, classic popular '80's properties are being rebooted. My Little Pony, Transformers, and Ninja Turtles all have new shows in production, which started airing at the start of the New Tens. All these shows have been met with mostly positive responses from fans, especially My Little Pony, which shocked a lot people by developing a very large and vocal fan base of older adult males (of which I am a proud member).

 It seems like with each passing month, more and more reboots keep appearing on the horizon. New versions of Powerpuff Girls, Magic School Bus (I pray that Lily Tomlin comes back to voice  The Friz!) and Ducktales have been announced.

Yes, Ducktales! Even knowing how popular the show was back in the day, I'm still reeling from that announcement. I mean, holy shit, talk about a surprise! Scooby Doo has been rebooted and spun-off so many times that it's almost not worth mentioning the latest iteration. It feels completely routine at this point.

Over in Japan, it seems producers are catching wind of what's happening over here in North America. Classic '90's anime shows that our generation grew up with are being rebooted as well. Digimon, Sailor Moon and Dragonball are easily the most notable of the bunch.

In comics, DC and Marvel rebooting their respective universes, Marvel doing so in mind-blowing fashion by creating a literally multiverse-shattering event know as Secret Wars.

So, why has all this happened in the last few years? Is it simple greed, the nostalgic longing of fans reaching a tipping point, or because the Gen Xers and Millennials have grown up and started having kids, who have no previous attachment or loyalty to these properties?

To keep this post concise (too late?) I'm going to be looking at two franchises in particular that are close to my animation obsessed heart: the Disney Live Action Universe (for simplicity's sake referred to the DLAU from now on) and the new Looney Tunes show, Wabbit.

There will be no bashing or whining of any kind (there may however be rantings ahead). I'm just examining why reboots happen, and whether they are on the whole necessary at all. Hopefully we'll all have a good time in the process.

Ok, first of all, the profit motive. The entertainment business, like all businesses, are trying to get the maximum amount of money and the maximum amount of buying consumers. Rebooting popular franchises is a way to get more money from older fans, while increasing the fan base by bringing in new fans, and thus more profit.

Second, "older" stuff must be updated for newer generations. There is a belief, whether right or wrong, that there exists a "generation gap" for any given property/story. Whether it be the visuals, characters, or tropes, younger kids cannot "get" he stuff we or our parents grew up on. Better to just update it so that our kids will like the stuff we like.

This type of thiking really bothers me. If this belief was in any way true, how could I,  a Millennial, enjoy classic comedy films like Abbott & Costello or The Marx Bros so much? Sure, quite a few of the references may go over my head to this day, but I still laugh at a lot of the jokes. I'm a firm believer that great art, regardless of the time or place it is made, has a timeless quality to it. It's a belief that has been drilled into my head through countless English classes and reinforced by experience.

Hell, just read a synopsis of Don Quixote to get what I mean. The story could just as easily be about a guy who suffers a mental breakdown, thinks he's a real Jedi Knight, and has a series of wacky adventures with his best friend (note to self: that is an awesome idea!) Or an even even better example: Sherlock Holmes. It's as popular now as was when the fist story was published in 1887; even a man as amazing as Benedict Cumberbatch did not make Holmes awesome on his own.

Third, it's easier & safer to rely on what has worked in the past, than to be different.

Trying something new is a gamble, we don't know whether it will pay off for any of us. We all know this is true from experience, but when a studio is thinking of putting hundreds of millions of dollars into a project, you can forgive them for being wary of risks.

Blade Runner and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang are great movies, but both of them bombed hard at the box office. For whatever reason, audiences at the time didn't get it or just weren't seeing it. Every now and then it's takes time for brilliance to be revealed, I guess.

So, studios are rebooting because, hey, it made a lot of money before, and people still love it, so why not go with what we know works?

This kind of thinking is both good and bad. As I mentioned above, looking back to the past is hardly a bad thing in and of itself. The problem, is when people start blatantly taking things that audiences have seen already, and you don't try to do anything different with the characters, the stories or your visuals. Jennifer Lawrence may be following in the footsteps  Linda Hamilton or Sigourney Weaver (maybe even Lucy Lawless or Sarah Michelle Geller if we include TV), but she is still a unique feminist action icon as Katniss. Similar, yet different. I admit it's a very tricky balancing act, but it can be done.

Ok, now onto Disney.

Let me start by saying that I am a HUGE Disney fanboy. Like the last few generations of humanity, Disney has been part of my childhood, and thanks to Disney owning everything from TV networks to superheroes and Jedi, will probably have a significant impact on the rest of my life.

The company has created so many icons (and has bought the rights to so many others), that they seem to be the the last studio that would need to reboot their IPs to stay relevant. Well, Ok sure,  they've rebooted their properties before (Duck Tales & Goof Troop anyone?) but keep in mind that a lot of the company's success was sparked but not only switching from 2D to 3D, but also giving us kids a lot of new stuff to enjoy in '90's. Sometimes the experiments have paid off (Hunchback of Notre Dame & The Lion King are both pretty dark films covering some complex ideas) and sometimes it has not worked, in fact, someties you might wonder "WTF Disney?!" to yourself (Home on the Range and Chicken Little has way too many problems to count, but I'll leave it to the Unshaved Mouse to fill you in on the horrible details). But the point is, they have continued to do new stuff since the '90's. So why is the company rebooting more than Windows Vista all of a sudden?

Well let's look back at the first point I talked about again. When Tim Burton's re-imagining of Alice in Wonderland made over a billion dollars at the box office in 2010, some Disney execs probably realized that they had a lot of iconic properties in their vault, so they could make potentially many more billions with all their classic films. Not to mentions Disney has created a ginormous amount of nostalgia to exploit from three older generations of  fans. As to point #2, what better way to appeal to kids than making those old animated films live-action & CGI?

Out of the cascade of the live action adaptions that have been announced to be in production, I'm only looking forward to three: Mulan, The Jungle Book, and Sword in the Stone. I have multiple reasons for supporting these films.

For one thing, all these stories are in the public domain, and they have been adapted at least several times. I think all three films would work arguably work better in live action than animated. I was on the fence with the Jungle Book for months, but the CGI looks stunning and it seems they are being more faithful to the original book as well. That trailer got me hook, line and barrell. I got chills when I first heard Johansson as Kaa. I mean, damn, that is not a comedy relief character like in the original movie.

 Sword in the Stone  is itself a modern re-telling of the Arthurian legend, so I'm willing to see what they will do with the story on the big screen this time around. As for Mulan, I think the fight scenes would look great in live action. I mean sure the Huns might still be CG models, but at least the action might be bigger and more intense.

So what's my problems with the others? Most of them are unnecessary and a blatant cash grab. And the ones I've seen are hardly Oscar worthy entertainment Maleficent made too many changes to the original animated film, changing one of the most iconic villains who revels in being evil into a tragic anti-hero just doesn't work, screenwriters. I love the three fairies in the original movies. The idea of changing the funny, sweet, competent heroines of the original story into bickering idiotic comedic relief characters made me angry. If it wasn't for Angelina Jolie's awesome performance, I would've outright hated the movie.

With Cinderella, on the other hand, they changed too little. It's still just as bland and forgettable. Ever After re-told the story much better, giving us a likeable, relatable main character, added more complexity to the story, the humour worked, the romance worked, it was just on the whole a very solid film. The 2015 film is just another step backwards.

On top of that, Alice in Wonderland, which started this whole trend, isn't that good in my opinion, regardless of it's success. It goes against the spirit and tone of the original story. Instead of a series of comedic and surreal episodes taking place in a strange world, the movie creates this generic epic fantasy plot that is utterly forgettable. The cast was good, but how could they kill the Jabberwocky (which makes no sense, because the Jabberwocky is not technically an actual character, he's just mentioned in a poem Alice reads in Alice Through the Looking Glass), but you have Christopher Lee voice him, but have him killed off with barely any dialogue or screen time?! Most of the cast is underused like this See Doug Walker's review for a brilliant demolition of the movie.

So that's three strikes, not the best track record. And some of the choices don't make sense. I mean, just..I...dammit...Dumbo?! C'mon,  freaking Dumbo?!?! Are you serious?! They hired Burton to direct again?! What makes them think he could possibly do this, he hasn't done anything different in over 30 years!

The only thing that hasn't aged well from the original movie is the crows, and keep in mind, they may be racial stereotypes, but they were portrayed positively! They help Dumbo, and not only that, they have the second best song in the entire movie. What could they possibly improve by making it live action?! That kind of story just doesn't work as well in the "real world" with CGI. Either make it all CGI or don't bother!

 Beauty and the Beast is a great film, a masterpiece. Even if the upcoming adaptation turns out to be really good, we'll be just paying for tickets to the same movie again. That's my biggest problem. Disney is blatantly taking advantage of our nostalgia. Wreck-It-Ralph had the decency to do something new and use the audience's nostalgia to it's best possible advantage.

With these movies, with the DCLAU, Disney is blatantly copy-and pasting too much from their previous work. It seems the people running the studio desperately want us to e-watch and re-buy stuff that we already have. What I've seen so far does not inspire confidence. These projects seem far too lazy and openly motivated by greed for me to support these movies at this time.


Ok, ok, damn this next part is gonna be hard to get through. When I said I was a huge Disney fanboy, I was being 100% honest. But Looney Tunes is not only the first thing I remember watching on TV, I have rewatched the classic episodes over and over and over. And over. I never get tired of them. Looney Tunes is THE BEST animated series of all time in my opinion. I sort of like it, if you catch my drift.

There have been many, many great shows over the years, but not even The Simpsons, Futurama, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003), Batman TAS, Gargoyles, Animaniacs, Dexter's Lab, My Little Pony Friendship is Magic (yes, I'm serious!) Hey Arnold! or Recess, ever have taken the #1 spot away from Bugs Bunny and friends in my heart of hearts, and I love all these shows! I re-watch them quite often whenever I'm not trying to watch the latest anime. So keep in mind that what I'm going to say next may be heavily biased.

When Wabbit: A Looney Tunes Production was announced, you can probably guess I was nervous. Not as nervous as when The Looney Tunes Show came out. But I was very glad that it was more zany and over-the-top like the original shorts instead of trying to put the Looney Tunes in a sitcom, like it's predecessor.

I've watched a few episodes, and...it's...ok. That's my honest opinion. It's ok. It doesn't hold a candle to the originals, but at least there's effort involved with this thing. The quality varies from episode to episode, but tha's hardly the worst thing that could happen. It's impossible not to compare them to the originals though; how could a Looney Tunes fan do otherwise?

Now, I will say this. Anyone who complains about yet another reboot of this franchise, let's be honest here. Looney Tunes has been rebooted successfully twice in the past. Animaniacs and Tiny Toons. So who's to say it can't bone three times, or 10? Oh,  Duck Dodgers might count, but's easier to make the argument with the other two shows considering their respective acclaim and popularity. Besides, I'm not saying the show isn't good, but it's a sci-fi comedy that just happens to share characters from the Looney Tunes ensemble. I see it as more of a spin-off than a reboot.

Animaniacs is that very rare miracle of lightning striking twice. The cast and crew somehow managed to recapture the genius of Chuck Jones, Tex Avery, Bob Clampett, Friz Freleng Robert Mckimson and , not to mention the great Mel Blanc & June Foray, and successfully converted it into a more "up-to-date". No easy feat when you remember that Animaniacs had to more of an "edutainment"-type of show. Tiny Toons, while very good in of itself, just wasn't as consistently great as the former in my opinion. It's a bit too early to tell if Wabbit can be anywhere near as good as good, and I might too blinded by nostalgia to give a fair assessment regardless.

So to answer the question, yes we can be looney again, We can re-capture the magic of whatever franchise we love. It can be done, my friends. 2015 has proven that, beyond any doubt, for many, including me. If I hadn't watched The Peanuts Movie, or Creed or  Fury Road, I might be right there with the haters, tearing my hair out and screaming bloody vengeance to the heavens for my ruined childhood.

Are reboots ever absolutely necessary? No, not exactly, but that doesn't mean they can't be done well at least. I can't tell you whether anyone wanted a Jem and the Holograms movie, but fans and non-fans can agree that it's a Texas-sized turd. If you're not gonna try to make it even resemble the show, then WHY THE FUCK did you bother making it in the first place, you morons?!?!?! 

Even Transformers had giant robots fighting each other! That is just too ridiculously, blatantly, disgustingly, insulting!! This movie makes it soooooooo tempting, but at least these other movies came out and cured our cynicism and hate for Hollywood execs and producers (at least temporarily).

THANK. YOU. GOD!

Ahem, sorry, got distracted there for a minute.

But I've decided to take a more moderate approach. I think on a case by case basis, we should consider not whether we can reboot something, for of course we could potentially reboot everything under the sun, by we must always consider whether we should reboot something. Cause the classics stay the classics, and for the most part, that is enough.

A Universe Reborn

Here we all are in 2016 and a new Star Wars trilogy has begun. It seems almost unreal. Premiering right before Christmas, right in the middle of the biggest holiday season, with three years of speculation and hype behind it.

Even if it was horrible, it's only competition over the weekend was the fourth Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, and a decent batch of Oscar bait in the final weeks of the year (and of course these types of movies are always hit and miss with audiences). I think it's safe to say that large box office numbers were a sure thing for Episode VII.

In a sense, that may have been a bad thing. The brand is so pervasive and iconic that for a Star Wars movie to fail it would have have to be absolute garbage to bomb; so that means that  any cast & crew working on this movie would not feel forced by public pressure to make a good movie. If this was always the case, there wouldn't be so many bad adaptations in the bargain bin.

But I knew, I always knew, that this movie would be, at minimum, a good, entertaining movie. There was just too much love and talent behind this project for it to turn out awful.

The people who made this movie clearly know and love Star Wars as much as everyone who first watched it in theatres, and have re-watched it endlessly on home video. Just how good is Episode VII? Can it truly stand up to the original trilogy? Well, I could just say "Yes, absolutely" and end this post here, but I think something as momentous as a new entry in the Saga was merits a bit more analysis.

Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD! Read the review below at your own peril.

Let's start off with the characters. I just love Finn, I really do. It's such a great concept: a Storm Trooper turning good. It gives us something familiar and new ar the same time,  while adding more complexity to the opposition. Not only is having Finn take part in a massacre in the opening scene,(and having his friend die as well) make us immediately sympathize with him, it also gives us more insight into the bad guys, that  they will do anything to restore the Empire, Most of these soldiers are no longer just faceless,  fanatics doing these evil things just because they're the bad guys. There's mention of behavioral modification and outright brainwashing; so now the soldiers we see on screen fighting for another Evil Overlord may not be doing it of there own free will. In retrospect, it makes the Storm Troopers, one of the most famous mooks in all of fiction mind you, into tragic villains. That's some good writing.

Finn's defection from the First Order is handled a little quickly, but his gradual transformation into a hero is done extremely well. John Boyega has definitely earned an Oscar nomination. When he's panicking, it doesn't feel over-the-top or annoying, you really feel for him. He delivers all the dialogue believably. And when he takes up the lightsaber and faces down Kylo Ren near the end of the film, it's easily one of the biggest highlights of the whole thing for me. Hopefully he'll get out of that coma real soon.

Ok, I need to et this issue out get this out of the way before I go further.

Rey is NOT a Mary Sue. A Mary Sue is a flawless character who overshadows everyone else in the story. This is as much Finn's and Kylo's movie as much as hers. Yes, she's smart, competent, and seems to know everything about starships. But we don't know enough about her backstory to explain how she seems to so good with ships, but we get a good sense that she's had to take care  of herself in a harsh environment for a long time. And if the OT has taught us anything, having access to the Force gives you a lot abilities normal people don't have. Once again, great character, great performance by Daisy Ridley.

Kylo Ren. Boy do I have  mixed feelings about him. When he's doing his Darth Vader impression, he comes off as very badass and intimidating. But when the helmet comes off, er, well...

He's literally a Darth Vader wannabee, a guy who is literally obsessed with Darth Vader and carrying on the legacy of the Sith. Once you see what he looks like and it's revealed exactly who he is, let's just say a lot of cool points get deducted, and a lot of questions are raised. It's like watching a teenager who starts listening to death metal because he's in a rebellious phase. It doesn't help that he looks like  an effeminate GQ model and throws temper tantrums like a six-year-old fat boy. Lame!

Ok, his tantrums are funny, but if the rumors I've heard are true, that he's supposed to represent hardcore Star Wars fanboys, that's not exactly the best approach to take with this character in my opinion.

But I will give him this. Once he kills Han Solo, you will definitely want to see him get his ass kicked, and his turn to the Dark Side get a lot more interesting from this point as well.

Yeah. Han's dead. Deader than Obi-Wan (RIP Mr. Guinness). No more Star Wars for Harrison Ford, I guess. Damn.

Really, to be honest, Po is by far the weakest character of the new trio. Sure he's awesome, but all there is to him right now is "cocky hotshot pilot". Hopefully he'll be more fleshed out in the coming sequels.

It was great seeing the old cast again. Ford and Fisher renew their great chemistry, and Mark Hamill has got to have the biggest build-up to a cameo in film history. It feels disappointing, yet appropriate, at the same time.

The other characters don't leave much of an impact. General Hux is basically a younger Tarkin (who admittedly gets to deliver a great speech near the end , Phasma gets barely any screen time, and Snook's character model needs work.

The action in this movie is amazing. That may have quite a bit to do with having a very large budget to work with, but it's more than that.

For example, every time you see someone getting hit with a blaster bolt, people don't scream and fall over dead with a burn mark on their armor; they get knocked back as if they've been hit with a cannon ball. During the big lightsaber battle in the forest, you see Kylo Ren cutting down trees with ease. The CGI is used beautifully to enhance the practical effects, and it all works together really really well. The grand finale includes all the "Star Wars Best Hits". Explosions, light saber duels, starship dog fights, and one final really really BIG explosion to cap it all off. Words cannot describe the joy I felt watching the finale, but maybe this might:

Another thing that's great about the movie is the world building. There are so many details both big and small that make the world feel real and relatable. For example, we first see Rey scavenging  from the "ruins" of a Star Destroyer that is half buried in the sand. We also see her cooking the Star Wars equivalent of an instant meal. It's the combined effect of all these elements that make the places we see feel truly lived in. That shot of the Star Destroyer also an ingeniously clever way to subtly show the audience that not everyone has automatically benefitted from the Rebel Alliance winning the war

Now, on to the flaws. Yes, sad to say it, but the movie has flaws.

Let's see if any of the following this sounds familiar to anyone else:

 Princess Leia helps a resistance movement to defeat the evil Empire. Our main hero, who lives on a backwater desert planet, stumbles across a droid carrying an important message for the "rebels" , and over the course of the movie our hero(ine) realizes she can use the Force. She is escorted to the rebel base by Han Solo. The heroes must stage a last ditch effort to destroy the superweapon (which of course has one important flaw in it's design). The hero fights a Sith who has personal ties to three of the other characters. This Sith also kills her mentor figure about halfway through the movie. The superweapon is ultimately destroyed in the final battle by an X-wing pilot in a big bright explosion, the villains retreat to fight another day, and there is much rejoicing as John Williams' score plays over the closing credits.

When the critics say that this is a remake of A New Hope, it's not much of an exaggeration. A few important plot details are changed around, the death of Han is given more of a tragic gravitas than Obi-Wan's death, and the three leads are definitely their own characters. Finn is a new concept for the franchise, Po is fighting for a cause from the beginning, not just himself, and Rey's backstory is implied to be much darker than Luke's, and let's face it, she comes across as more mature than him too. Plus, there is no annoying C3PO character to take away from BB8's awesomeness. Yeah, sorry,, never liked the protocol droid. I know he's supposed to be comedy relief, but he's just so damn annoying throughout every. single. MOVIE! Argh!

Ahem, anyway, moving on...

J.J. Abrams and Lawrence Kashdan borrowed so much from the OT that you get the feeling that they were almost desperate to please the fans (who could blame them?) Let's be fair, it's not like A New Hope is that original either. It takes the Hero's Journey, probably the oldest known plot in the world, and puts it IN SPAAAAACCCCE! What made Star Wars feel groundbreaking when it first came out was more the visuals and concepts it introduced to pop culture, but definitely not it's story.

Another big flaw of the plot is that  it relies a lot on coincidence. What are the odds that Finn and Rey stumble across the Goddamn Millennium Falcon right when they need it? What are the odds Finn knows exactly how to break into the new Death Star and it's one weakness? What are odds that as soon as Rey realizes she's Force sensitive, she can use the Jedi Mind Trick to escape the cell with just one guard posted there! It gets to be a bit too much for me at certain points in the movie.

It's up to you whether you like the pacing. Like I said, Finn's defection happens too quickly, but other than that it feels fine to me.

What we have here with Episode VII is sort of a miracle, like the first Avengers movie. So many ways it could've gone wrong but didn't. It's still too early to tell where the story stands in cinema history (the box office numbers are another matter), but I think it's safe to say that is an extremely entertaining movie that I would love to watch again (and again). The new characters are written and performed so well that I can't wait to see what happens next. The fact that the sequel is being handled by a very talented director just makes me that much more excited. This movie reminds why we all fell in love with Star Wars to begin with. The action, the characters, the visuals, the action. It all comes together so beautifully to re-create something we all thought could only happen once.

The galaxy isn't far far away anymore. It's closer to us now than it's ever been before.

In Praise of LittleKuriboh

This feels really weird. The last post I wrote on my blog was about my experiences with depression, and now over a year later, I'm writing a new post trying to help someone else get over *their* depression.

Must be the circle of life at work; or maybe The Wheel Of Fortuna, I guess. Only the wisest can tell.

I'd just like to say that this entry will not be too long. I don't know a lot of the relevant details, I can't tell you a lot abut the person I'm going to discuss, seeing as I don't know him personally.  Hell, I don't know if he's ever been to the Fan Expo, let alone Canada!

Maybe this post is no longer needed. Hopefully this is the case. Everybody recovers from illness (mental and physical), in their own time. I only hope Little Kuriboh has gotten over his problems in the months since I became aware of them.

But I'll put this out into cyberspace, just in case someone I may or may not know may see this and receive some good from it.

"Little Kuriboh" aka Martin Billany (I had to Google his real name, 'cause even though I've seen him "live" on YouTube, it's easier to think of him as Kuriboh, a faceless voice) is an internet celebrity who hails from the UK. More specifically, he's a Youtuber, making his living off of YouTube videos he produces himself. More specifically, he is known for starting a trend that has morphed into a global phenomena, as internet trends tend to do.

Like a lot of internet celebrities, Mr. Billany came upon a clever idea when he had some free time on his hands. He was an anime fan. There was one anime in particular that caught his attention sometime around 2006. A cheesy, melodramatic, ridiculous show which involves people fighting with fantastical monsters in globally televised professional tournaments which (for some unexplained reason),  are more popular than the World Cup, Olympics and (maybe) Halo multiplayer combined.

The show was based on a popular trading card game originating in Japan, and attracting a large cult following. No, no. I'm not talking Pokémon. Nope, not Digimon either. Ok, I know you're not in suspense, I'll tell you.

I'm talking about Yu-gi-oh.. Yep, that show. One of several that introduced "Oughties" kids to (horribly dubbed) Japanese animation.  If you thought Pokémon was weird, Yu-gi-oh takes it a couple of notches further. Description wouldn't do it justice. Track down a few episodes online if you feel the urge is too strong.

The only reason I remember the show is because I watched it with my brother almost every afternoon for about a year. At the time I thought it was a pale imitation of Digimon or Monster Rancher. An opinion which I doubt will change any time soon. Yu-gi-oh is not something which lends itself to multiple viewings (except if you're really into mocking campiness).

Kuriboh happens to be one of the those people, and who could blame him after seeing a show like this?

The characters are archetypes with very little personality, the plot of most episodes makes little sense if you think about it for more than ten minutes, and the censorship of the original Japanese broadcast by North American distributor 4Kids Entertainment made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Rather than write a  series of blog posts or do a live commentary like most people would, Kuriboh decided to do things a little differently. He recorded his own snarky dialogue and exaggerated voices in his home studio, and replaced the original audio with his own original recordings, and eventually, the first episode of Yu-gi-oh: The Abridged Series uploaded  onto YouTube on July 14, 2006.  Thus, The Great Age of the Gag Dub was born!

Well, ok, let's not go too far. Obviously when it comes to this sort of thing, there's no way of knowing who was the first who thought up "gag dubbing", but what I *can* tell you for certain is that within a few months, "gag dubs" starting to appear a lot more frequentl. As Kuriboh's fan base grew, more and more groups of fan groups were copying his unique, honest and dark humour. And fans of course had plenty of material to work with. Hugely popular anime shows from the '90's were soon getting the parody treatment. Pokémon, Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z are easily the most famous examples.

Now, you're probably wondering "why should I care?" "Where is this going?" Well, ok. I guess it's time to move on from the prologue.

About a year ago, Kuriboh revealed that he was suffering from depression. Apparently, from what I've heard. he has been dealing with some serious personal and physical issues over the last few years, and his depression. But instead of keeping the pain inside, he came clean to his fans, and has received no end of support.

The reason why I wanted to write this to share my support and admiration. You may not care or thinks it matters but consider this. Think of a person you admire or care about. Maybe it was Robin Williams. Maybe it's Kurt Cobain. Maybe it's Alan Turing. Maybe you think it doesn't matter what you might say or do

. But it *does* matter. Trust me, it's better to make the effort than not.

 As a person who has suffered from depression, I couldn't stay silent. I had to do my part to raise of the man's work and his struggles to try and avert the potential loss of a very talented guy..

So if you have some free time, here's his website:
http://yugiohabridged.com/

Here's his YouTube channel.

If you want to learn more about exactly what issues he's dealing with, let the man tell you himself in his "We're Still Here"  v-log series.
https://www.youtube.com/user/CardGamesFTW

Hopefully you will have as much as I did watching these vids. Don't worry, the first few may be a  little rough, but it's definitely worth it. 

Cheers, Mr. Billany!

Surviving the Dementor's Kiss: My Personal Struggle With Depression

I've suffered quite a few lows in my life. Hardly as much as most, I know. There is probably a disturbingly large number of people who have experienced horrors I cannot comprehend, things that would break me a dozen times over if I myself were to go through them. However, I still have my own pains to bear. A wise man once said, "pain shared is pain lessened". I hope that by sharing my pain, I can be rid of it once and for all, and help any who read this to be rid of theirs as well.

So, as I already mentioned, I've had my share of lows. 

My parents never had a happy marriage; they wouldn't fight often, only every six or seven months, but it was never pleasant. They never sought counseling, were always talking past one another. Even though I realized that they both loved me dearly, it still hurt me to come to grips with the fact that maybe my mom and dad shouldn't have gotten together, they were just too incompatible.

They separated right after I finished high school, which didn't make my transition into adulthood any easier. What followed was a long string of loud arguments, false accusations, lots of tears, for about six months. It wasn't as juicy or as dramatic as reality TV, but it would've made for a decent soap opera

I was afraid that my dad was becoming suicidal, because he was having so much difficulty sleeping in the last few weeks before he left our house, that he turned to alcohol to knock himself out. He began to break down crying more and more as he realized the situation was beyond his power to fix. I had never seen my dad cry before then.

My dad died very suddenly from heart failure four years ago. I had just started my third year at university, and it was my brother's 14th birthday. Thankfully I had schoolwork and a future career to think about, so I managed to shove my grief aside temporarily and focused on moving forward.

However, something happened shortly after I graduated that ruined my life for more than a year.

In February of last year, when I waking up one morning, I felt my my breathe slow down, then stop, for no apparent reason whatsoever. I panicked. I tried to scream for my mom and brother, but I couldn't move, I was completely helpless. After what felt like an eternity, I felt my breathing start up again. I went to my mom immediately. I did a bit of research, and discovered that I was at risk for sleep apnea. The results from the sleep test I took were mostly positive. But this trauma had hurt me more deeply than I realized.

My dad had died at 54, my mom's dad at 51. Both from heart problems. I was scared that I would follow in their footsteps. I was terrified. What would happen to me?

I had wanted to be a writer my whole life. I was done school at 25, I had a debt I had to pay off, and I had no idea what to write about. I felt unbelievably stupid.

Who goes to school for twenty years and doesn't know what they're going to do with their lives? How come I hadn't made any friends, or made any contacts, or tried to get an internship? I started going into a panic.

 When I went on Facebook to network, I began to feel worse; all my former classmates from high school seemed so happy, so content. Not only were all their moms and dads together, healthy, happy and supportive, they had even started families of their own. I began to fall deeper into despair.

My mind was caught up in a never-ending merry-go-round of misery. It was like having your own personal bully or Marine drill instructor, like that guy from Full Metal Jacket. I started criticizing every character flaw I had. I discovered that I have lots.

Your too fat, too slow, too emotional. Little crybaby, your daddy's gone, and now you want your mama to protect you from the mean, cruel world. You're pathetic! Your gonna die at 33 from an aneurism or a brain tumor, and you're not going to leave anything behind. No books, no kids, no friends, nothing. You're gonna leave this planet, and no one will remember that you ever existed.

You're no Tolkien, or Ray Bradbury or Neil Gaiman, so why bother?

 Despite advice from family, neighbors and one kindly therapist, nothing helped. I began to become suicidal. Once I thought about cutting my wrist with a kitchen knife. Another time I thought about overdosing on prescription drugs. These periods for mercifully brief, lasting only a few minutes. But all it takes is a second for the brain to act on an impulse, good or bad.

Then, just a week before my 26th birthday, I was told that my grandfather was dying.

I should've known it was coming, just like with my parents' separation. He had been suffering from Parkinson's disease for most of my life, and had started showing symptoms of dementia shortly after my dad's death. I went to go see him for the last time on May 21st. His skin was paper thin, he was suffering from a fever. I took his hand and spoke comforting words to him even though he knew little English, and I very little Italian. He had had to bury his son, and now me, my aunt, uncle and cousins would have to bury him.

I would like to take a minute to debunk one of the biggest myths about depression. It is not something you just get over. Yes, many people who suffer from depression most likely do so in understandable circumstances, such as after  losing a loved one, or unemployment, and they eventually do get over it.
My case went beyond that. I couldn't sleep, and when I was awake, I was restless and couldn't concentrate. When I tried to read, I could take no pleasure from it. I felt that I was ignoring my problems. I couldn't have fun or do anything productive. And when I messed up, that drill sergeant would be right there waiting for me.

So I'm telling everybody here and now: if you know someone who is suffering from depression, get them help immediately! Don't tell them to "man up" and "get over it", criticism is the last thing that they need. And don't just think you can simply  throw drugs at the problem. There's no guarantee that the drugs will work; you have to remember that everyone's brain chemistry is unique. There has never been a "cure 'em all" when it comes to this sort of thing. And if you're going to bring them to therapy make sure the fee is within your budget! I was lucky to find help that scaled the fee to my very tight financial situation.

Above all else, people with depression need love. They need to be reminded that they're not alone, that their lives can get better. They may try to hide their pain, thinking that their issues are too small in the grand scheme of things, that they don't want to bother their loved ones. Don't let them! Remember what I said about pain shared at the beginning? Get them to open up at all costs!

I cured my depression by remembering that I'm a premie; I was born at 27 weeks. I'm lucky to be alive at all. And that thought triggered all my happy memories: all the baseball games I went to, all the Disney movies I've seen, all the trips I've been on. When I got my legs fixed and went through three months of rehab; when I got pneumonia at 16 I thought I was dying, but after a week in the hospital I was fine.

So I realized something. I'm not my dad. I'm not my grandfathers. They made their choices, now I must make mine. I will learn from their mistakes, and be a better person. I will die, 20, 30, 50, who knows how many years from now, with a smile on my face. I may be buried with my family, but my life shall go down a different road. And I never took one Prozac to get where I am now.

Too many people are not so lucky. Don't let yourselves throw your lives away. I lost over a year of my life to despair. I could've lost the rest.

http://depressionhurts.ca/en/default.aspx

Bound in a Nutshell: Living With Social Anxiety Disorder

One of my earliest childhood memories was when I was five. I was brought one day to see a child psychiatrist. Oh, don't worry, I wasn't much of a "problem child". I just got these random bursts of nervous energy whenever I watched something exciting. I would pace around for a few minutes, clapping all the while, never consciously realizing what I was doing.

Naturally, my parents wanted to know what the hell these odd episodes meant, so it was off to see another doctor. I don't remember much about the session, what the man's face looked like or what we talked about. I do remember that he told my parents I was suffering from "dangerously low self-esteem". I strongly suspect that the psychiatrist missed something when I spoke with him that day; I don't blame him, it's really hard to spot, and quite a few people probably aren't aware that they have it, or know someone who does. I think that I have been suffering from a "new", widespread mental disorder know as social anxiety disorder for most of my life.

Social Anxiety Disorder (which will be referred to as SAD for the rest of this article), is a type of anxiety disorder where a person avoids most social situations because they are irrationally afraid that they will embarrass themselves or be negatively judged by others. Even though it is a relatively "new" disorder, having been first formally studied in the 1960s by British psychiatrist John Marks, and was only acknowledged by the APA in 1980, SAD has most likely existed since the beginning of history and beyond.

It is the third most common mental illness next to alcoholism and depression; in fact, SAD has been linked to depression. We're obviously depressed when we don't have any close friends or have trouble with romantic relationships (I know this pain all too well, unfortunately). It currently affects anywhere from 7-13% of the population, and if not treated, can negatively affect all aspects of a person's life.

SAD is very hard to spot; it is often confused with being introverted, which is a personality type, or shyness, which is perfectly natural in a lot of situations. Like many mental illnesses, SAD covers a broad spectrum of degrees. People can have "mild" cases which can disappear on its own, or it can be so severe to the point where it can cause many problems in a person's day-to-day life, and requires extensive therapy and medical treatment to fix. I'm fairly certain that I'm a textbook case, but I can't be positive until I talk to a professional. That's another problem in itself: most people with SAD don't seek treatment, either because they're too scared, or because they just assume that the disorder is a permanent part of their personalities.


I've always been very shy; not only was I the shortest kid in class, I also grew up with leg braces, a speech impediment and asthma. It's really hard to open up to people, especially when you're a kid, and you're constantly being reminded that you're never going to be one of them; the "cool" kids. Never going to drive or be on the sports team, or be the prettiest.

I feel bad for my parents, 'cause no matter what they did, nothing could get me out of my shell. When I was in softball, I never got a single hit, so I felt bad for not contributing. When my mom put me in summer programs, it always made me feel uncomfortable. I felt guilty being around "slow" kids, or kids with autism; one boy I met when I was twelve, Shane, was born without feet! My body just moves a little slower than normal, how could I possibly relate to them?

In fact, if my friend hadn't approached me one boring summer afternoon nineteen years ago, I wouldn't have had a social life at all growing up. Let me tell you all about a guy named Jasmin Bihorac.

Now, Jasmin (or "Jazz" as I always called him), is very easy to describe. Take one look at him, and you'd think "athlete" or "movie star". He was the kind of guy who could walk into a room and be the centre of attention. We were so opposite you'd think that we had grown up on different planets, even though we grew up on the same street. He was tall, handsome and athletic, I was short, fat and geeky. He wore the latest clothes and listened to hip hop and gangsta rap; I couldn't give a rat's ass about fashion, and I shared my parents taste in music. The only things we had in common is that we were both the first-generation Canadian kids of immigrants, and we both didn't practice our respective religions (he was brought up Muslim; and although most of my family is pretty hard-core when it comes to religion, my dad was never the most observant Catholic). Oh, and less I forget, Jazz was a ladies man; he was introducing me to a new girl every few months. You could tell when he was getting serious with a new girl when he would start listening to love songs on the computer and Boombox.

To put our relationship in terms '90's kids can understand, he was the Will Smith to my Carlton. To put it in terms our parents can understand, he was the Fonz to my Richie Cunningham. To put it in terms everybody can understand, he was the Achilles to my Odysseus.

But even Jasmin, awesome as he is, still couldn't break me out of my shell. He would bring me out to see his friends, we would watch his favorite horror movies together, he took me with him on family trips and would always drop by my house whenever he could.

For my 14th birthday, he took me to see Hulk Hogan when he was doing a book tour for his autobiography in Toronto. I remember that I felt really awkward, really uncomfortable, even when we took the train downtown by ourselves . I still remember saying the lamest thing ever to the most famous wrestler ever: "What's up, Hulkster?"

 Seriously, I had over two weeks to come up with something cool to say to the guy, and that's the best I could come up with? There's ten amazing seconds of my life that I'll never get back.

There are certain risk factors every parent should look out for when it comes to SAD, and I had several of the symptoms: low self-esteem, very shy, poor grades, my dad had trouble talking to people as well, I lacked social skills, I was too emotional and I suffered through several embarrassing episodes in my childhood which I will not go into here. People with SAD are caught in a vicious cycle; they tend to always  put themselves down when thinking about how they appear to others; when they come into contact with someone new, negative thoughts and a constant state of panic makes them tremble, sweat a lot, stutter, or leave their faces blank, which understandably sends some very negative signals to the other person. Bad experiences lead to more bad experiences, and unless something is done, the person with SAD will be convinced that they are just not sociable people.

So what's a parent or adult suffering from this illness to do? There are many options available. If the problem is not too serious, a person could try some self-therapy techniques, such as visualizing a social situation, and imagining the sequence of events having a constant positive outcome during the conversation, until they are ready for real life scenarios.

If the problem is more severe, professional help and medication will be required. The most common therapeutic method is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which is just a fancy way of saying that, by making the patient examine his or her thoughts before going through a social situation, they see how irrational their thoughts are and their anxiety levels go down. This works best one-on-one or in groups. There are also fringe treatments that have not been proven by research, such as hypnosis, but I wouldn't recommend something like that.

Anti-depressant drugs such as Paxil, Zolfor and Exxor have been found to be effective against SAD as well. But there is no guarantee that the drugs will work (everybody's biochemistry is different),  and Paxil has several negative side effects.

So, if anyone reading this wonders why you can't seem to open up and talk just like everyone around you, I want you to know that it is not a permanent part of who you are, but a problem that can and must be dealt with. And it doesn't make you weal or weird; more people have it then you realize, even if they don't know it or won't admit to it.

It is not (usually) the parents fault, or the school's fault or most importantly, your fault. It is the fault of a society that prizes the loud, flashy and bold over the quiet, careful and thoughtful, and tries to convince us everyday of our lives that this is the mold which we must fit ourselves into in order to be happy.

Sources

Bakalar, Nicholas; Hollander, Eric (M.D.). Coping With Social Anxiety: The Definitive Guide to Effective Treatment Options. New York: Henry Holt & Company, 2005. Print.

Hillard, Erika. Living Fully With |Shyness & Social Anxiety. New York: Marlowe & Company, 2005. Print.

Social Anxiety Disorder BC Group

Anxiety Disorder Association of Canada